The last month and a half has been the hardest in my life. The pain and anger I have felt have outweighed any other emotion at any given point in my life. This period of time feels harder on me than when my brother died. I don't feel like I am myself right now. My concentration is shot. My focus on any given task seems fleeting. I've been shot emotionally and it feels like I'm just waiting to bleed out. I don't like this sensation. I want to find me in all this. I want to see the happy things again and not just wait for the next heart wrenching e-mail to come my way. Most of all, I want my family back the way it should be, but that doesn't look likely.
I'm thankful for my husband through this all. He has been so strong, loving, and accepting of me through all this.
My mother, she is one amazing woman. She has every right to be mad, angry, or bitter in this situation, but relying on God, she is choosing to love. She is a woman that I aspire to be like. If I am ever considered a fourth as fantastic as my mother, I will feel that I achieved much with my life.
So I want to take some time today to focus on the positive. I have several friends who have told me recently that they are expecting. One is even expecting twins and another is starting their adoption process. It truly is excited.
A dear friend of mine recently proposed to his beloved and she said yes.
Another friend just tied the knot and there are a few more planning on getting married later on this year.
My sis-in-law has made an offer on a house she loves. Bevan and I plan on house hunting later this year.
My brother is starting to do really well in school.
My youngest sister is one smart princess.
My middle sister seems to be loving her job, dog, and place over on the west side of the state.
My brother is finding that God is providing for his family even when it looks like his current job will end soon due to city budget cuts.
My youngest brother is full of life and always knows how to make me smile.
My sis-in-law is enjoying her job and motherhood suits her very well. She loves her daughter so very much and my beautiful niece is growing healthy and strong.
My mum-in-law is an amazing woman and I am greatly thankful for her kindness to me.
My father-in-law is a man of integrity.
I have a roof over my head and food in the pantry.
The sun has decided to come out and it is finally starting to feel like Spring.
I enjoy my job.
I have many talented and wonderful friends.
God is good and He provides for me. He comforts me in my time of pain. God is in control.
Showing posts with label life's little moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life's little moments. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Road To Multiple Hobbies
"How does one person have so many talents? Seriously, you know how to do so many constructive hobbies, and the end results are all so awesome. LOVE the Pai Sho pieces in the other post, gorgeous, and my inner nerd wants one of these ornaments :P" ~ Maze
So at first, I thought I could give this a very short answer, but the more I thought about it - the more I realized a quick answer could not fully explain. I guess the short answer would be - I have never refused to learn something from anyone willing to teach me.
I'll start with the two phrases my mother instilled in me at a young age.
"Never say 'I can't'."
"You can only be bored if you allow yourself to be."
I've learned the first - although, I still use 'I can't' as an excuse on occasion - still working on fully removing that thought pattern. I think that I would probably employ it more often had my mother not taken the time to painstakingly show me and others that we really could. Because of this, 7 times out of 10 I will approach a new endeavor with the following attitude: "I don't know how well I can, but I know that I am capable and therefore, it is worth my effort to find out how well I can do this."
The second I know very well. Uttering "I'm bored" around my mother meant that she would find us something to do (often additional chores). So, at first, I learned not to be bored around my mother. Then I eventually realized the truth to her words. The initial feeling of boredom can surface at anytime, but to remain bored is a choice. When "I'm bored" hits we can throw a pity party (which I still do on occasion) or we can make the choice to do something to alleviate the boredom.
My mother also instilled a love of crafting. She was known as the "Craft Lady" - often volunteering to teach craft projects at school or at church (including the 500 kit crafts per room at VBS each summer). She is also very thrifty. At craft fairs we would look at all the crafts - when we found something we liked her response was often - I think we can make that. Then she would pull out her notebook (or whatever paper she had handy ie. napkins, receipts...) and either write or sketch what she needed to remember about a piece. From watching her, I learned to recognize the different elements required to make up the whole and to start thinking about things that could be substituted for more expensive components.
My father is an architect. So from him I learned many of the design and construction elements. As a child, he would let me play with the stencils and create things. He would praise my end result - even if my buildings never had a chance of standing as drawn. He encouraged me to enter design contests and to explore my creativity.
So my parents were a huge influence on my love of creating and constructing.
Halloween also played a big role. I grew up in a large family (there were six of us in my immediate family and now their are nine [not counting anyone by marriage]). So buying new Halloween costumes from the store each year was out of the question. This is where my Grand Aunt Barb comes in. She is a marvelously talented seamstress and let us use the costumes she had made for her children. I think I was the black widow more Halloweens than I was anything else. Eventually, we wanted to be things that were not in my Aunt's box. So mom would help us create our own costumes - usually from things found at the thrift store. I remember dying a funky one piece pant set we had found to be Jasmine one year (it had lace over the stomach and Halloween in my area tends to have a 50/50 chance of snow). So my love of costume creation grew out of childhood experience. It was really funny one year, when as an adult, my mother asked me how I ever got the idea that I could make costumes and was shocked when I answered from her. Once I explained why - she understood.
My Grandma Mouse (she collects mice figurines and Elizabeth was a hard name to say as a child) taught me many of the sewing basics as she often made clothes for us each school year and eventually let me help.
Another hook for the costuming aspect was meeting my friend, Kelli. She is an expert seamstress and a wonderful teacher. I learned pattern drafting, quilting fabric, and how to sew piping from her. Her work (which is screen accurate [or better]) has given me something to shoot for.
My sexy husband, Bevan, taught me how to mod Nerf guns to fire better.
My mum (mother-in-law) taught me how to cross-stitch.
Nanny (my husband's Grandmother) taught me how to knit.
My friend, Alfredo, taught me how to make chain mail.
My elementary school teachers encouraged me to write stories and several teacher's after that continued to encourage me to write.
My friend, Joe, has taught me a lot about the anatomy of animals and how to get proportions correct. He has also given me lessons in foam carving and sculpting foam.
My mother taught me how to bead at a young age - both by hand and on a bead loom. She (and my father) taught me how to use various tools [I'm pretty sure they gave me a tool set of my own in grade school]. My mother taught me how to use a scroll saw. *Edit: In fact, I just realized that sitting on the table next to me is a 16 ft. tape measure with a tag that reads: "Nat, I <3 you beyond measure. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Mom"
Both my parents have taught me the remodeling trade. I can knock down walls, feed wires through a wall, put up walls, tear off siding, paint, put up siding, mud & texture dry wall, caulk, put in windows, hang wainscot, add trim, and any other number of assorted home maintenance things because of them.
In listing out all who have taught me something, I know that I am missing people. Some of my teachers have been strangers who have posted tutorials on the web. Others have been artists and craftsters who have inspired me to try something new. Much has just been encouragement from friends, family and strangers alike.
So at first, I thought I could give this a very short answer, but the more I thought about it - the more I realized a quick answer could not fully explain. I guess the short answer would be - I have never refused to learn something from anyone willing to teach me.
I'll start with the two phrases my mother instilled in me at a young age.
"Never say 'I can't'."
"You can only be bored if you allow yourself to be."
I've learned the first - although, I still use 'I can't' as an excuse on occasion - still working on fully removing that thought pattern. I think that I would probably employ it more often had my mother not taken the time to painstakingly show me and others that we really could. Because of this, 7 times out of 10 I will approach a new endeavor with the following attitude: "I don't know how well I can, but I know that I am capable and therefore, it is worth my effort to find out how well I can do this."
The second I know very well. Uttering "I'm bored" around my mother meant that she would find us something to do (often additional chores). So, at first, I learned not to be bored around my mother. Then I eventually realized the truth to her words. The initial feeling of boredom can surface at anytime, but to remain bored is a choice. When "I'm bored" hits we can throw a pity party (which I still do on occasion) or we can make the choice to do something to alleviate the boredom.
My mother also instilled a love of crafting. She was known as the "Craft Lady" - often volunteering to teach craft projects at school or at church (including the 500 kit crafts per room at VBS each summer). She is also very thrifty. At craft fairs we would look at all the crafts - when we found something we liked her response was often - I think we can make that. Then she would pull out her notebook (or whatever paper she had handy ie. napkins, receipts...) and either write or sketch what she needed to remember about a piece. From watching her, I learned to recognize the different elements required to make up the whole and to start thinking about things that could be substituted for more expensive components.
My father is an architect. So from him I learned many of the design and construction elements. As a child, he would let me play with the stencils and create things. He would praise my end result - even if my buildings never had a chance of standing as drawn. He encouraged me to enter design contests and to explore my creativity.
So my parents were a huge influence on my love of creating and constructing.
Halloween also played a big role. I grew up in a large family (there were six of us in my immediate family and now their are nine [not counting anyone by marriage]). So buying new Halloween costumes from the store each year was out of the question. This is where my Grand Aunt Barb comes in. She is a marvelously talented seamstress and let us use the costumes she had made for her children. I think I was the black widow more Halloweens than I was anything else. Eventually, we wanted to be things that were not in my Aunt's box. So mom would help us create our own costumes - usually from things found at the thrift store. I remember dying a funky one piece pant set we had found to be Jasmine one year (it had lace over the stomach and Halloween in my area tends to have a 50/50 chance of snow). So my love of costume creation grew out of childhood experience. It was really funny one year, when as an adult, my mother asked me how I ever got the idea that I could make costumes and was shocked when I answered from her. Once I explained why - she understood.
My Grandma Mouse (she collects mice figurines and Elizabeth was a hard name to say as a child) taught me many of the sewing basics as she often made clothes for us each school year and eventually let me help.
Another hook for the costuming aspect was meeting my friend, Kelli. She is an expert seamstress and a wonderful teacher. I learned pattern drafting, quilting fabric, and how to sew piping from her. Her work (which is screen accurate [or better]) has given me something to shoot for.
My sexy husband, Bevan, taught me how to mod Nerf guns to fire better.
My mum (mother-in-law) taught me how to cross-stitch.
Nanny (my husband's Grandmother) taught me how to knit.
My friend, Alfredo, taught me how to make chain mail.
My elementary school teachers encouraged me to write stories and several teacher's after that continued to encourage me to write.
My friend, Joe, has taught me a lot about the anatomy of animals and how to get proportions correct. He has also given me lessons in foam carving and sculpting foam.
My mother taught me how to bead at a young age - both by hand and on a bead loom. She (and my father) taught me how to use various tools [I'm pretty sure they gave me a tool set of my own in grade school]. My mother taught me how to use a scroll saw. *Edit: In fact, I just realized that sitting on the table next to me is a 16 ft. tape measure with a tag that reads: "Nat, I <3 you beyond measure. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Mom"
Both my parents have taught me the remodeling trade. I can knock down walls, feed wires through a wall, put up walls, tear off siding, paint, put up siding, mud & texture dry wall, caulk, put in windows, hang wainscot, add trim, and any other number of assorted home maintenance things because of them.
In listing out all who have taught me something, I know that I am missing people. Some of my teachers have been strangers who have posted tutorials on the web. Others have been artists and craftsters who have inspired me to try something new. Much has just been encouragement from friends, family and strangers alike.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Grease up to the elbows... [Learning to change a starter.]
So my car was fixed. Went to pick it up and tried to start it... 10 minutes later I am talking to the mechanic. He told me the starter was dying and gave me a quote. Seeing as I had just payed him for fixing my car I wasn't inclined to immediately fork over more for it. So I spent some more time and got it to start. Drove it home and immediately looked up the price for my starter. For $140 dollars less than the quote I was given I could purchase a new starter. The YouTube video on how to change a starter didn't look to tough. I mean... how bad can it really be to unhook 2 wires and take out 2 bolts. Piece of cake, right?
Five minutes later, I'm out starting under my hood. Trying my hardest to locate the starter. That ever so elusive starter. Staring, searching, time passes... 15 minutes later my neighbor Darren is walking Jeffrey (my little brother) back over from martial arts practice. He gives me the information that I am lacking. The starter is located under the engine. Oh, silly me! [Note to self: next time you decide to look for a part under the hood... find a diagram or something so that you are actually looking in the right place.] Another neighbor, Craig, dropped by and offered the use of his jack. Once he got the car up he was able to show me where the starter was. He also showed me the wire that leads from my battery to the starter. Disconnected the battery and he went off to his house to grab his tools because he didn't want to wait. Joey (my brother) was on his way with tools. Mom got out the car repair ramps and my brother towed my car up onto them. Then Joey proceeded to take out the starter. This thing was a pain to get into because of the heat shield that he had to remove first. Unfortunately, car manufacturers must not think of ease of repair when putting together the engine. The top bolt is a pain to get to. My brother had to climb up onto the car and reach his hand down through in a very odd angle to even get at the bolt and getting at it from the bottom is even trickier. He was able to get it out just in time to head off to the shooting range (he was meeting buddies there). So my Craig told me he would help me install it once I bought it.
So most of my morning and part of my afternoon was spent on my car. I'm so glad Craig has a creeper (one of those rolling skateboard like things that make working on a car so much nicer!). His style of aiding in car repair for others is to teach them how - so that if they ever need to do the repair again, they can. So I got to try out a creeper and go under a car and put the starter in. Hooked up the wires only to have to unhook the little one again because it was in the way of tightening the bigger one. It took us quite some time to discover that we needed a 13 mm socket for the ratchet. The old one had used a 14 mm. We eventually got that one on and the little wire reattached. Then came the bolt and nut. One bolt is attached to the car and just needs a washer and nut placed on it. Unfortunately, that is the bolt on the underside. If they were thinking, they would of put that one on top. It would have been so much nicer. So putting the washer and nut on was easy, but you can't tighten it yet. Now for the top bolt that threads into the car. The one you have to snake your hand around things to even reach from the underside. The one that you need to get a step stool out to even reach from the topside unless you want to kneel up on the car frame (like my brother did). Yeah, time for that bolt.
You know, putting in a bolt should take what - three minutes at most? I mean, come on. You get two holes to line up and thread the thing. Piece of cake, right? Wrong. One hour later and I am up to my elbows in grease. Did I mention the cars an 87 and the engine is filthy? [Side note: apparently you can wash your engine. I never knew this - had never even heard of it. There are a few things you don't want water in. I was informed that the nearby car wash has an engine and undercarriage setting. I may give that a try.] So I'm under the car fiddling with the starter (those things are surprisingly heavy) to try and get the hole to line up so that the bolt will move to no avail.
Enter step stool. I had to snake my arm down and around all sorts of things to get to the bolt and hole. My fingers kept slipping off and I just couldn't get a good grip on it. Called my bro to see if he could come back by after shooting to fix it. He said he'd swing by. Headed back outside to find out that another neighbor, Austin, had dropped by and that his girlfriend's sister (who just happens to be studying to be a mechanic) was willing to give it a go. She was successful in getting it started and most of the way in. Then Austin tightened it the rest of the way as well as tightening the nut on the underside. We reattached all the pieces on top that we had moved out of the way. Secured the hoses and hooked up the battery.
I hop in to start it. Craig commented that if it didn't start now it means it was the battery. Thankfully, I wasn't worried about the battery (seeing as the battery was purchased just over a week ago). Turn the key and...
...it started! Happy day! My car is fixed and five of us are covered in grease.
So, in retrospect, I would totally do this again. I learned a lot about my car. I got to chat a lot with my neighbors. And I didn't have to fork over an additional $140 dollars to a mechanic. I also found 6 four-leaf clovers. So a good totally unplanned day.
Five minutes later, I'm out starting under my hood. Trying my hardest to locate the starter. That ever so elusive starter. Staring, searching, time passes... 15 minutes later my neighbor Darren is walking Jeffrey (my little brother) back over from martial arts practice. He gives me the information that I am lacking. The starter is located under the engine. Oh, silly me! [Note to self: next time you decide to look for a part under the hood... find a diagram or something so that you are actually looking in the right place.] Another neighbor, Craig, dropped by and offered the use of his jack. Once he got the car up he was able to show me where the starter was. He also showed me the wire that leads from my battery to the starter. Disconnected the battery and he went off to his house to grab his tools because he didn't want to wait. Joey (my brother) was on his way with tools. Mom got out the car repair ramps and my brother towed my car up onto them. Then Joey proceeded to take out the starter. This thing was a pain to get into because of the heat shield that he had to remove first. Unfortunately, car manufacturers must not think of ease of repair when putting together the engine. The top bolt is a pain to get to. My brother had to climb up onto the car and reach his hand down through in a very odd angle to even get at the bolt and getting at it from the bottom is even trickier. He was able to get it out just in time to head off to the shooting range (he was meeting buddies there). So my Craig told me he would help me install it once I bought it.
So most of my morning and part of my afternoon was spent on my car. I'm so glad Craig has a creeper (one of those rolling skateboard like things that make working on a car so much nicer!). His style of aiding in car repair for others is to teach them how - so that if they ever need to do the repair again, they can. So I got to try out a creeper and go under a car and put the starter in. Hooked up the wires only to have to unhook the little one again because it was in the way of tightening the bigger one. It took us quite some time to discover that we needed a 13 mm socket for the ratchet. The old one had used a 14 mm. We eventually got that one on and the little wire reattached. Then came the bolt and nut. One bolt is attached to the car and just needs a washer and nut placed on it. Unfortunately, that is the bolt on the underside. If they were thinking, they would of put that one on top. It would have been so much nicer. So putting the washer and nut on was easy, but you can't tighten it yet. Now for the top bolt that threads into the car. The one you have to snake your hand around things to even reach from the underside. The one that you need to get a step stool out to even reach from the topside unless you want to kneel up on the car frame (like my brother did). Yeah, time for that bolt.
You know, putting in a bolt should take what - three minutes at most? I mean, come on. You get two holes to line up and thread the thing. Piece of cake, right? Wrong. One hour later and I am up to my elbows in grease. Did I mention the cars an 87 and the engine is filthy? [Side note: apparently you can wash your engine. I never knew this - had never even heard of it. There are a few things you don't want water in. I was informed that the nearby car wash has an engine and undercarriage setting. I may give that a try.] So I'm under the car fiddling with the starter (those things are surprisingly heavy) to try and get the hole to line up so that the bolt will move to no avail.
Enter step stool. I had to snake my arm down and around all sorts of things to get to the bolt and hole. My fingers kept slipping off and I just couldn't get a good grip on it. Called my bro to see if he could come back by after shooting to fix it. He said he'd swing by. Headed back outside to find out that another neighbor, Austin, had dropped by and that his girlfriend's sister (who just happens to be studying to be a mechanic) was willing to give it a go. She was successful in getting it started and most of the way in. Then Austin tightened it the rest of the way as well as tightening the nut on the underside. We reattached all the pieces on top that we had moved out of the way. Secured the hoses and hooked up the battery.
I hop in to start it. Craig commented that if it didn't start now it means it was the battery. Thankfully, I wasn't worried about the battery (seeing as the battery was purchased just over a week ago). Turn the key and...
...it started! Happy day! My car is fixed and five of us are covered in grease.
So, in retrospect, I would totally do this again. I learned a lot about my car. I got to chat a lot with my neighbors. And I didn't have to fork over an additional $140 dollars to a mechanic. I also found 6 four-leaf clovers. So a good totally unplanned day.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Life
I finally get to sit down. Today was a really busy day. I woke up early and went into work to get some things ready for the upcoming busy start of summer hours before my students arrived. Work went smoothly - the students are great.
Rushed home from work to pile into the van with my parents and younger siblings to head to a family reunion of sorts and see relatives I haven't seen in a while. It was a lot of fun to hear the stories. My grand uncle Randy commiserated with me on the ankle injury. It seems that when he was installing coke machines at a new restaurant for work one year he had slipped on ice and broke his ankle. Said the popping sound sounding like a 22 going off. Then my grand aunt Ree (I think that's how she's related to me) was telling me about the cougar that had wandered onto her property. She was going out to get the mail with her dog when she saw a cougar lying beside her driveway. She called her dog back and the dog came running, but so did the cougar. Bit the dog's head and Ree's reaction was to kick the cougar in the head. She didn't want it to get her dog. The cougar let go, the dog ran into the house, and Ree's initial instinct was to turn around and run into the house to, but then she thought better and started waving wildly and screaming at the cougar. It backed up about 15 yards and just stared at her. She slowly walked into the house and reported the attack to the game warden who said it was highly unusual for a cougar to act that way and granted permission to dispose of it if they should see it again. She was telling me she has pictures of it now, because the next morning it was down by the river on their property and her husband shot it. Her dog is fine. Healing from teeth marks on top of her head, behind her ear, and one in her lip/cheek. Played a washer game in which my grandmother and Ree claimed that they'd do horrible because they can't see well and ended up not doing half bad. Watched Jeffrey and Kandra chase each other around the Usk Lodge. Steven tried to join in and totally tripped. Cousin Kelli (technically she's my first cousin once removed, but cousin is easier to say) rode out on her Harley and when she started it up it scared Jeffrey. By later in the afternoon he was able to over come his fear and Kelli let him sit on it and even rev the engine. He was beaming with happiness. Steven on the other hand ran screaming and crying the second that engine started and jumped anytime any engine started after that. We tried to get him close to the motorcycle once it was off, but he wanted nothing to do with it.
Then we got home with enough time for Mom to change and me to go drop Dad off so that he could pick up his car, before Mom and I needed to be at the church with the goodies she had baked for Sandie's funeral. She was a beautiful woman. A great mother and friend to many. I didn't know her well, but I do know that she always had a smile for me each Sunday. She's the Mother of our worship director Ed. A really fun guy who I think inherited a lot of his love of life and music from his Mom. Turns out she's also the Grandmother of a gal I went to school with and ran into today. I'll have to catch up with Jamie sometime soon. Anyway, Sandie was a published poet and just loved to write poetry. They shared two really wonderful poems of hers in the program and I really want to write them down here.
"Vision
This child....
This child...
By S.M. Garvas"
"Gifts
First... You.
There was love then... and You.
You came then... riding a raindrop.
Sunshine bubbled in through the keyhole and there You were.
Now the time has moved.
Four gifts... giving pride and joy...
Infecting all with your zest for living.
When the earth has gone black
The colors of your souls will still dance
And in this end time the last whispering
The world is richer because of you.
By S. M. Gavras 1978"
Just like she had written on Easter Sunday - Sandie is now dancing with the Lord. I think the Pastor put it best when he said, "her address has just changed. When a friend moves, we cry because we miss them, but we know we will see them again. This is no different." {I don't claim to have a perfect memory, but that was the gist of it.} The service was beautiful. I'm sure Sandie was smiling down as her son played for her. Amazing Grace made me cry. That's the song they started with and that was the song that I insisted I needed to sing at Mikey's funeral. I had to give him that gift - even though it was hard not to break down as I sang. Mikey's dancing too. Who knows, he may have pulled out a violin to play while Sandie dances. They are both in the Lord's loving arms.
May your life be filled with joy and the little moments and may God's love shine upon you.
Rushed home from work to pile into the van with my parents and younger siblings to head to a family reunion of sorts and see relatives I haven't seen in a while. It was a lot of fun to hear the stories. My grand uncle Randy commiserated with me on the ankle injury. It seems that when he was installing coke machines at a new restaurant for work one year he had slipped on ice and broke his ankle. Said the popping sound sounding like a 22 going off. Then my grand aunt Ree (I think that's how she's related to me) was telling me about the cougar that had wandered onto her property. She was going out to get the mail with her dog when she saw a cougar lying beside her driveway. She called her dog back and the dog came running, but so did the cougar. Bit the dog's head and Ree's reaction was to kick the cougar in the head. She didn't want it to get her dog. The cougar let go, the dog ran into the house, and Ree's initial instinct was to turn around and run into the house to, but then she thought better and started waving wildly and screaming at the cougar. It backed up about 15 yards and just stared at her. She slowly walked into the house and reported the attack to the game warden who said it was highly unusual for a cougar to act that way and granted permission to dispose of it if they should see it again. She was telling me she has pictures of it now, because the next morning it was down by the river on their property and her husband shot it. Her dog is fine. Healing from teeth marks on top of her head, behind her ear, and one in her lip/cheek. Played a washer game in which my grandmother and Ree claimed that they'd do horrible because they can't see well and ended up not doing half bad. Watched Jeffrey and Kandra chase each other around the Usk Lodge. Steven tried to join in and totally tripped. Cousin Kelli (technically she's my first cousin once removed, but cousin is easier to say) rode out on her Harley and when she started it up it scared Jeffrey. By later in the afternoon he was able to over come his fear and Kelli let him sit on it and even rev the engine. He was beaming with happiness. Steven on the other hand ran screaming and crying the second that engine started and jumped anytime any engine started after that. We tried to get him close to the motorcycle once it was off, but he wanted nothing to do with it.
Then we got home with enough time for Mom to change and me to go drop Dad off so that he could pick up his car, before Mom and I needed to be at the church with the goodies she had baked for Sandie's funeral. She was a beautiful woman. A great mother and friend to many. I didn't know her well, but I do know that she always had a smile for me each Sunday. She's the Mother of our worship director Ed. A really fun guy who I think inherited a lot of his love of life and music from his Mom. Turns out she's also the Grandmother of a gal I went to school with and ran into today. I'll have to catch up with Jamie sometime soon. Anyway, Sandie was a published poet and just loved to write poetry. They shared two really wonderful poems of hers in the program and I really want to write them down here.
"Vision
This child....
Born into September winds.
Dakota dust in her bones
and cradled in sweet prairie grass.
Into winter skies she sang her song;
danced barefoot through spring rain;
tasted the joy of summer's freedom.
This child...
Saw in her mother's eyes
the histories of family and smiled
while in her father's arms - held high,
the stars grew bright
and with her baby fingers
touched tomorrow.
By S.M. Garvas"
"Gifts
From very near I heard the cries
storming sterile rooms
and coming to rest at last on my abandoned belly.
I saw you all...
each face a wrinkled miracle.
There was promise and continuation
while I counted fingers and toes;
my love already nine months comfortable within me.
I searched out separate souls, divided by years,
versioned them limitless...
then waited as each journey began.
First... You.
Silently touching beauty, becoming quietly strong.
Fragile grace and blue moonlight shine from you.
You are cold days, chocolate candy
and carnations in a crystal vase.
You are crisp lettuce and winter snows.
You are perfection personified.
You move through moods like cars on the freeway,
always in motion with tears forever near the surface.
You are stubborn like the grass
clinging to life at desert's edge.
And you are woman.
There was love then... and You.
Oh the smiles that came from your soul!
They touched me with brown velvet
and warmed my weary spirit.
You are summer storms
filled with lightning and crashing thunder.
You are penny arcades, pizza parlors
and pride wrapped in cellophane.
You are salt and pepper and Halloween.
Holding tightly to the child in you,
you grope towards manhood, unafraid... risking.
You came then... riding a raindrop.
Quiet and sure like the steady rain of Fall.
You filled my life with shades of summer green.
You are curiosity and macaroni and cheese.
You are books and school and English tea.
You wear a ready laugh like an extra pocket
and can see smiles everywhere.
You carry comfort and caring and an absent-mindedness
born of tenacious concentration.
You totter on the brink of adolescence.
The awareness growing strong in you.
Sunshine bubbled in through the keyhole and there You were.
Anxious to love and laugh.
You rushed at life like a mountain stream
Tumbling towards low ground in the springtime.
You are the orange-red of fireworks;
The music half hidden in the embers.
You are Yogurt and cheese and the mouse in my heart.
You are giggles and marbles and mess.
You are Christmas with a coke in your hand.
You are eternal questions and dirt on Sunday pants.
You run after the rest, impatient to be always bigger,
and the taste of life is especially sweet for you.
Now the time has moved.
I have watched you all grow.... traveling in this
uncertain, unsettled space.
Four gifts... giving pride and joy...
surprise and affection; unquestioned acceptance,
and total tolerance;
Infecting all with your zest for living.
When the earth has gone black
and only pale shafts of dust remain...
The colors of your souls will still dance
in that softer, shadowy playground.
And in this end time the last whispering
ghosts in the Universe
will know as I do now...
The world is richer because of you.
By S. M. Gavras 1978"
Just like she had written on Easter Sunday - Sandie is now dancing with the Lord. I think the Pastor put it best when he said, "her address has just changed. When a friend moves, we cry because we miss them, but we know we will see them again. This is no different." {I don't claim to have a perfect memory, but that was the gist of it.} The service was beautiful. I'm sure Sandie was smiling down as her son played for her. Amazing Grace made me cry. That's the song they started with and that was the song that I insisted I needed to sing at Mikey's funeral. I had to give him that gift - even though it was hard not to break down as I sang. Mikey's dancing too. Who knows, he may have pulled out a violin to play while Sandie dances. They are both in the Lord's loving arms.
May your life be filled with joy and the little moments and may God's love shine upon you.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Employed!
I had a very odd and wonderful day. I woke up feeling strange. I had one of those odd dreams that does more to confuse your brain than anything else and spent the brainpower of my first awake hour trying to analyze it (only to end up more confused). Then it was off to do errands my Mom needed done before Grandpa arrived with the crab he and Grandma caught.
Bevan had a job interview and I was happy to recieve the call that told me they planned on hiring him. It's not a job in his field yet, but it is a job. And for that we are very happy. My husband is so wonderful.
About an hour later I got another call. This time it was from the place I had interviewed at last week. I am happy to say they offered me the position and am embarassed to admit that I was so excited the first word out of my mouth was an overly enthusiatic "AWESOME!' I am hoping that my overenthusiastic-ness (yes, I'm making up words now) didn't make her immediately regret offering the position. I start on Wednesday as a math instructor. It's a part-time gig (after school hours) that will still give me the flexibility to sub (or do other misc. jobs to fill my time).
Let me tell you - that crab was delicious! Thanks Grandpa & Grandma! Bevan and I enjoyed the crab for dinner - once we got past the guts & gills portion. I also cooked a cake to celebrate being employed (reflecting on that I should have done brownies or cookies so Bevan could enjoy it too - he's not a cake fan).
Joey and Linda came over so he could work on framing the windows and I could help Linda study for a math assessment so that she can test out of one of her college math classes this week. She's doing great and I think she's going to do just fine on the test.
Last night I started reading Twilight. Now before you get all groany on my or run away screaming - relax, I'm not a fan girl. Don't get me wrong - I'm enjoying the book so far, but I'm not going to go all "Edward this" and "Edward that" on you. The book reads a lot like a diary and in that style I think lies a lot of the intrigue making it hard to put down. There are times when I laugh from some of the silliness and I definitely have to classify Meyer's vampires in a complete seperate category from the vampire lore I know. Really, I picked it up because I kept hearing all sorts of things about it. I had read Stephanie Meyer's website on the book and gotten a good laugh about it because her website even read like fan fiction. I think the part that got me the most was that her books started because of a dream she had. So don't worry, I'm not planning a trip to Forks and you won't see me sporting any shirts that read "Cute boys sparkle" or "Boys: Read Twilight Be Like Edward". You will, however, eventually find all four books on my bookshelf (I'm currently borrowing the books from a friend, but I think I'll eventually aquire the set myself). Anyway, I'm gonna unwind for the night with a little reading.
I hope you can find the little things that made you smile today.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Life's Little Moments
Life is full of little moments that should be celebrated. Precious instances that bring joy and create wonderful memories. I've experienced several little moments throughout my day today that I felt like sharing.
~ I've got an interview scheduled for later this week (a relief since I've been job hunting for almost a year now) and this job would actually utilize my degree (which would be a first - odd, since I've held said degree for over 3 years now).
~ One of my favorite moments from today was when my little sister, Kandra came running up to me and gave me a big hug. Now to understand the significance of this - you have to realize that lately 3 year old Kandra is in the I only do what I want to do phase and long past random snuggling. Usually it takes me several requests to get a hug or teasing her by tickling and only getting a hug because she wants the tickles to stop. So an unrequested hug from Kandra is a big deal in my book.
~ The joy brought by holding a newborn in your arms. I got to hold an adorable little princess (as Kandra refers to all baby girls) today. She's 12 days old now. One of the foster babies my Mom is taking care of. She is a precious little princess that weighs what I did at birth. Sometimes it is shocking to think that I was once that small. This little girl has the cutest little hands that will grasp onto your pinky. She is adorable.
~ Another moment, that is very big in this foster boys life was my precious little brother taking the most steps solo he's taken. He had so much fun walking back and forth between my Mom, the neighbor and I. It was adorable. Each time he fell he'd shake his sun-bleached blond head no before standing back up on wobbly feet and trying again. He made at least 10 unaided steps on his longest walk. This little boy knows no fear. He'd topple and stand up again as we clapped. Only once did he decide his topple deserved tears. It was so cute.
~ And this brings me to my baby. I have a precious little ball of fur and claws. Her name is Kaylee. She is a torti. She has been incredibly affectionate ever since I returned from a trip where I was gone from her for 2 weeks. She nussles up right next to me - currently she is curled up next to me on the bed watching me type. Last night it was adorable because she settled herself down in my skirt and was content to sleep against me while I sat reading. It is amazing what the lovely companionship of an animal can do to lift one's spirits. Kaylee is my baby girl.
Those are my little moments that I want to remember. What are yours?
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